Wait…you’re not pregnant? Gulp

About this time (8pm) two years ago I was busy scrubbing out my oven. Cleaning, and I mean MAJOR cleaning, seems to be something that I tend to do in times of shock, upset or sheer panic! In this instance it was due to pure shock and a little bit of panic, if I’m honest. I had just found out that I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant.

Its funny though, if you really listen to your body, it can tell you exactly what’s going on without taking any tests at all. I’d say about three weeks prior, while driving to work, I developed an awful feeling of nausea. This happened for about three mornings in a row and I remember thinking “gosh I’m not pregnant? Ah sure I couldn’t be”. And that was that. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. But slowly as the weeks went on, even though I wasn’t feeling very nauseous, my body was giving me major signals that something was definitely going on. I was due the old monthlies about four days before Christmas Eve. And even though I had a really strong gut feeling that in fact I probably was pregnant, I said I’d wait to see if they showed. Four days in and no sign. I knew. But I still pushed off taking the dreaded pregnancy test. Cause you know, that made it real. And technically it wasn’t real until the test was done and showed those two little lines.

So Christmas Day came. I didn’t enjoy it at all. All I could think of was taking the dreaded test. I was even thinking of putting it off until after New Year’s Eve. But to be honest, with the knowledge that I would probably be out having a few drinks on New Year’s Eve and the possibility of being pregnant – my conscious wouldn’t allow me. So the next morning, St. Stephen’s Day 2014, as soon as the shops were open I set off to buy a pregnancy test (I bought six and did every single one of them! – just to be sure!). And just as I thought, they were all positive and telling me I was approximately 4-5 weeks along. I was numb. Then I realised that I had to tell Andy. So, later that night, after I had finished cleaning my now sparkling  oven, I asked Andy to come into the kitchen because I needed to talk to him about something. I must have been acting strange or had a funny look on my face, because before I even opened my mouth he said “wait…you’re not pregnant are you?”. And with that I broke down crying, and I mean bawled my eyes out. The stress and fear that I had been bottling up over the last few weeks just came pouring out. I think it was also the realisation of hearing someone else say it aloud that made it more real to me. I have to say, Andy was great about it. Any fear and panic that he was feeling, defiantly didn’t show. He was exactly what I needed. We had a long chat about everything late into the night and over the next week, discussing all our options. In the end we decided that this was something that we both wanted. It was something we had already started to bring up in conversation nearly a year previous. We just hadn’t planned on it happening so soon! But they say everything happens for a reason. Something I firmly believe.

The next seven weeks were pretty tough. We decided not to tell anyone until we had our 12 week scan. Just to make sure that everything was ok and was going to plan. But hiding the fact that I was expecting was incredibly hard. I had severe morning sickness – or in my case, all day sickness. From about six weeks until around 16 weeks was very bad. The drive to work in the mornings was particularly tough. Let’s just say I had to pull the car over at least twice every morning. The only food I seemed to be able to keep down were ginger biscuits first thing in the morning and porraige (just about). The trick was to eat little and often – to stop any vomiting sessions. But nothing worked for the nausea. The only time I craved anything was during these months. I craved Eddie Rockets M50 burgers and chicken super noodles!! Not the best thing to be eating, but they stayed down!

So the 12 week scan day arrived. I was weighed, measured and asked every question under the sun and it turned out I was a week further along than I thought. I was 13 weeks and due on the 26th of August. So we headed home to tell our families. They were shocked as they hadn’t expected it so soon, but happy. My mam had her suspicions – mammies alway know. So I spent the next months working every hour under the sun, reading every pregnancy book available and sleeping! I was so tired. I would come in from work and pretty much sleep on the couch until bed time and sleep again until morning. Although, for the last two months of the pregnancy I had insomnia. I would wake up at about 2am in the morning and fall back to sleep at about 5.30/6am and sure then I was up at 7am for work. I was beyond exhausted.

I also found out that I had developed pregnancy diabetes. Something I was very upset about. EVERYTHING I ate had to be monitored and carefully selected. I found this the toughest part of the pregnancy (well, second toughest after the morning sickness). But it was worth it for the health of my baby. The good news though, was that it went away once Ruby arrived – within two hours after she was born. But it kind of messed up my birth plan. I had an idea that I wanted to move around and change positions etc and to have as natural a delivery as possible. But because of the diabetes I had to be monitored during the delivery at all times. So that idea went out the window fairly quickly. But that story is for my next blog. Lets just say, things didn’t go quite to plan in the run up to, during or after my pregnancy.

Until the next blog.

The Irish Mammy x